Men have hearts too.

Writing this feels in response to the abundance of posts on the internet titled something along the lines of

“red flags to look for in a man” or “He is a narcissist when…”

men often seem to be quite largely misunderstood.

I have been working with individual men and men during couples sessions for over a decade now. I see first hand how the internet theories and the genreal misunderstanding of men can affect how women show up in relationship. Despite the outcomes they actually desire, they can often end up with men with closed and fearful hearts in front of them. Which is often a mans attempt to self preserve. Creating more ‘avoidance tendencies’ that then has them targeted even more!

Part of my role as a talk therapist is to support women who often end up feeling despair or desperation when they feel their man pulling away and disconnecting with what seems to be little or no capacity to co create a deeper & more attuned experience with them.

Nuance time, this doesn’t imply it’s all a woman’s fault or all womans work. Of course that isn’t the case. I will add though, despite the other pop culture piece of advice on the internet that says the feminine doesn’t lead and is always in response to the masculine, ill chime in and say, she certainly does.

It’s also true that you can be doing all the right things and still the person you are giving all your love and energy to will not know how to receive it and respect it/cherish it.

This post also doesn’t discount that as a woman you most likely have some unfulfilled needs that you may believe that if were being met would allow you to act upon what I offer in this post from a safe and enthusiastic place.

To this I tend to say… Sometimes absolutely yes AND also sometimes no.

Its not uncommon for a women to be self sabotaging and self preserving (being emotionally avoidant herself) in not being able to bring her man these things in relationship. Thats something we could dig a little deeper into during 1:1 talk therapy to get curious about your authenticity, capacity, boundaries, standards and your own emotional unavailability.

…

So lets dive into some ways to inspire him to co create a stronger, more fulfilling and sustainable connections with you.

Respect is the cornerstone—value his opinions, receive his feedback, acknowledge contributions, and create a space free from criticism to not only inspire but keep a mans love. A man who feels respected will feel safe enough to open his heart. Be brave enough to ask him, how could you feel more respected by me?

Men thrive on admiration—recognize strengths, celebrate achievements, and express genuine support to empower them and deepen the connection. Don’t hold back here, this is where you can help him to feel seen and appreciated the most. Be in his corner, let the friendship side to your relationship shine here. Ask him, how could you feel more supported by me?

Affection speaks volumes—go beyond words with physical touch, acts of service, and quality time to build a tapestry of emotional closeness. If you are feeling withdrawn, avoidant, resentful, please reach out for support.

Prioritise open, clear and healthy communication. Don’t expect them to know how you feel or predict what you prefer. Learn Non Violent Communication skills, self regulation skills and how to gently yet assertively speak to your man.

Foster his spiritual growth—support his journey, regardless of your beliefs, to create a deeper connection and strengthen your foundation.

Avoid the comparison trap—focus on nurturing your unique bond, celebrating strengths, and reinforcing the trust you can offer to him for emotional closeness.

Embrace ongoing personal growth—actively learn, adapt, and seek forgiveness to infuse adventure and strengthen your relationship. Set healthy boundaries—prioritize your well-being without neglecting him through clear communication and assertiveness.

WHAT ELSE COULD YOU AD?